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thoughtsbehindthoughts's Blog


Bam!

Been thinking about blogging for a couple weeks but time ran away, mondays appointment is looming and I feel scared about it.

I've been on pinterst abit and quite like it hidden happiness is my name on there it was my real name due to me being an idiot and not realising how to set it up. It's like tumblr but without the bitchyness.

About to go to another practice. Played last night and won the math thank god!

My tummy kills, I don't want a hysterectomy at 26 though! I just don't want it!

Finally got apt through

Apt came through, 6 weeks wait which is pretty usual here, drs just said keep popin te codine and rest of them. Need to talk to M. No one else.

Been a few days

Dating kinda. Not sure how long she's gonna put up with not touching me and visa versa. Lol I'm a weirdo with mad health probs. just don't belong!

Drs again

Well still trying to stop the bleeding. Dr has trippled my dose of what I'm already on and put me on something else. She was
Like well should really just pick one or the other but gotta try everything.... Guess she knows what she's doing.

Claire took me out last night. She's tryin to pull another les in our team but not happening lol so she picked me up took e out and quized me about the girl lol fun times

Lol well it nearly all went as planned

The change was that instead of Shelley calling Tom did! 3 hours of fantastic talk as usual, like we've never been apart. We conversed in French and Spanish we both need the practice but going to help each other I guess ! His off to Denmark end of the year. Will talk to him again tomorrow apparently but depends how much weed his smokin. He is so on the ball though he has to have had vast quantities to ruin the conversation.

Shelley didn't call , she said she would but we haven't text all day anyway which suites me. I'll wait nd see if she calls tomorrow, if not I'll call when I get back from london on Thursday.

Today =

Me, my duvet, girl interrupted followed by the virgin suicides drinking cups of tea until Shelley calls for our evening chat. Not the most exciting day but nice and chilled.

Called into the drs office

Got my call as expected, now anaemic and after already having a miscarriage and being scanned numerous times they have now come back and said I have a biocornuate womb which from all accounts isn't great if you want kids.

Few more things came back unexplained but will be answered by gyno. My sugar levels were taken and liver so waiting to see if they have had any improvement.

Slowly getting rid of a lot of my things just don't think I will need them. Found a pretty cool site called pin something... I downloaded it on iPad I think it's similar to tumblr might be nice to put things somewhere. Michelle still wants me on fb. Said. Can block everyone lol don't think that will happen, M was the brainy one when it came to social sites so she always helped me with getting set up and sorted. Very clever girl she is. Miss that.

I wish I could stop crying

I just feel so sad now, I usually slice but I just don't think it will help. Called my brother but couldn't say anything. He put my nephew on and I just had to go. Just very sad at the moment.

Had my scan

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Always thinking

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Proposition

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To Facebook or not to Facebook that is once again the question

I still am off Fb I had it for a little while till drama found me a quick sharp delete took care of that. I went back to it about a year 18 months later and again it got muddled so delete! Now various friends are pushing and Michelle wants me to get it as she is a big fb user. She's nice but not sure if she's too similar? She called me last night out of the blue and we ended up chatting for a good couple of hours, havnt done that in a while. We have talked about a fair bit and we both want a dog, and she's very into bearded dragons and pythons which suites but I love fish and it's a firm noway to havin them as they freak her out. I always thought if I moved out I'd get my fish back. Can't really judge someone on that although she is a vegetarian which will make meals harder as I love meat!

We have said that the first of feb will be our first official date. I thinkin either a trip to the zoo or into London.

I have a dilemma as the first official date isn't for another few weeks does that mean I can date? Ground rules havnt been set so I really don't know if I'm free to technically play the field till I'm steady in a relationship again. Something to figure out I guess!

Cleaning day

Been clearing out my room. Random bits of paperwork and odd earrings laying about. Found the picture of me sitting on a ledge at Machu Pichu, I was taken while I was looking out over the ruins I was 1 contemplating how to get down and 2 how freeing it felt. Good times. It felt the same when I was sitting on the beach at San Simeon. It's a lovely feeling. Maybe I just need a holiday.

5am

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Nails done, check

So tan is topped up nails are freshly done, hair is super shiny and minus split ends thank goodness. Dress picked out and book to read as I've been warned she's often late.

This weekend I plan to pack up M's Christmas presents, i had got out a load of dollars to send so she could travel to her g mother s need to exchange them back I had also put together a scrap book filled with our holiday memories tooks ages to do and the picture I drew lol went abit funny on oneside but I know she would of appreciated the gesture. Her main gifts had been an edition of Alice in wonderland which had beautiful illustry from 1900 and an Alice in wonderland pocket watch bit eccentric but was so pretty. I'm just going to pack them away they were meant for her so can't give them to anyone else.

Oh my bros gf had her scan yesterday and everything is good baby wriggling round like crazy apparently. I've got my hospital day tomorrow then Tuesday is my scan. I hate all the back and forth stuff but no getting round it I guess. Think I'll always have M in my ear making sure I do what I'm meant to. S' all Gud :) Will all be over soon enough just a few more months thank goodness

4 days to go

Ok so 4 days to go and I have my first date since M, I'm pretty nervous and still wish it was her I had the date with but still she hasn't even tried to make contact so I have to get on with things.

Soooo Saturday I have my first date with a new girl in my life - michelle - she's the pagen from previous post. She's 27 lip pierced, social phobia, eating disorder, bit nutty and a huge gamer lol so she's my type, smokes a lot so least I will be able to. She asked me out last weekend and I agreed to this Saturday. She's from 1 town over and works as like a concierge or something at a hotel. She's coming to me rather than other way round which is different. She seems pretty keen I haven't fully decided yet. I've picked out my outfit but think I should probably get my hair tidied up again! Slight frizz ball atm. It's scary! I could tell m anything, o far I've told Michelle basically nothing and I want it to stay that way, it's the British way I think. Don't think she needs my burdens!

Top up of tan on Thursday and nails being done then spending all of Friday in hospital lol what excitement! She doesn't need to know!

Lol @ my freakyness

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I am trying

As per pervious I am trying to move on but damn..... I want you back M!!! I'd so move my ass over there if she asked me too. I know how I feel I know I can find someone else but I know it will never be the same, how could it be... It was L and M we fitted nicely.

So dating..... One guy with no personality well he does and his also an awesome dubstep Dj but doesn't get my jokes, the next is a near pro biker that hurtles off round the world racing bikes on fantastic tracks, the next is a sweet girl, looks not really my type but seems interesting, is 100 % pagen and has already asked me to join her clan along for a weekend in a field worshiping something. Doesn't seem right without M tho..... I don't know what to do.

So how to move on

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Going to be an auntie again :)

Happy and excited my bro and his gf expecting again, prolly make me broodyer!

1-20 of 30 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Bam!, posted March 6th, 2013
Finally got apt through, posted February 8th, 2013
Been a few days, posted February 5th, 2013
Drs again, posted January 25th, 2013
Lol well it nearly all went as planned, posted January 20th, 2013
Today =, posted January 20th, 2013
Called into the drs office, posted January 19th, 2013
I wish I could stop crying, posted January 15th, 2013
Had my scan, posted January 15th, 2013
Always thinking, posted January 15th, 2013
Proposition, posted January 15th, 2013
To Facebook or not to Facebook that is once again the question, posted January 14th, 2013
Cleaning day, posted January 13th, 2013
5am, posted January 11th, 2013
Nails done, check, posted January 10th, 2013, 1 comment
4 days to go, posted January 8th, 2013
Lol @ my freakyness, posted January 3rd, 2013
I am trying, posted January 2nd, 2013
So how to move on, posted December 29th, 2012
Going to be an auntie again :), posted December 27th, 2012
Wish I had someone close to talk to, posted December 24th, 2012
Aghhhhhh, posted December 24th, 2012
Think I prefer..., posted December 17th, 2012
Gin :), posted December 16th, 2012
Shopping day, posted December 15th, 2012
A lol day, posted December 14th, 2012
Feeling ok, posted December 12th, 2012
Tired and content, posted December 10th, 2012
emailed, posted December 9th, 2012
POF, posted December 7th, 2012
Still miss her but..., posted December 6th, 2012
Dose up - seroxat, posted December 1st, 2012
Get a grip, posted November 30th, 2012
Incessant need for my girl, posted November 29th, 2012
4am, posted November 29th, 2012
Think I need...., posted November 28th, 2012
Nearly the end of hell month, posted November 27th, 2012

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